Marianne Williamson put it perfectly:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. “
Before embarking on my journey of transformation fear made all my decisions. I chose the ‘safest’ options. Jobs, partners, events, everything. I kept myself very small. I limited myself to prevent me from getting hurt. I didn’t speak my truth or let my light shine (WHAT if someone disagreed with me???). I’d cross the street rather than stopping to connect with someone. I didn’t indulge my passions in case I failed. Because that would just be the end of the world right?
But I felt empty, frustrated and lacking. I used external things to dull the boredom. I always thought things would be better tomorrow, next week, next year. I was always looking into the future with a sense of false hope that something would change and land on my lap to make my life better.
But what about today? Life is just a bunch of today’s. So I took the brave decision to create a fulfilling life day by day. The fear was still there but I didn’t let it stop me. And it was hard and messy and raw. And sometimes I felt like I was going backwards. But I slowly moved from fear to love. From fear to faith. With lots of external help, and the gift of desperation that I could not continue living ‘groundhog day’ for the rest of my life. Day by day life is beautiful.
“What if I fall? Oh but my darling what if you fly” Erin Hanson.