Those of us who have experienced trauma in our lives, and lets face it it’s probably most of us, we can sometimes find it hard to treat ourselves with love. This is particularly the case with with childhood trauma, where we grow up believing we are unlovable and there is something inherently bad or wrong with us.
The good news is self love and self care are something you can learn. You don’t need to let the trauma define you anymore. Some people can carry around the dead carcus of their trauma for year afters the event, holding on to that story, and believe me it’s exhausting.
Laying it to rest isn’t an over night job. It take time, tears and a whole host of emotions that need to be released. But it is 100% worth it.
And when I say this I don’t mean condoning abusive behaviour. In fact you don’t ever have to see that person again. But forgiveness is for yourself. Holding on to a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.Forgiveness is for you and you only. It is freedom and breaks you out of that cage,.
Accept yourself for not being perfect. Emotional dips are going to happen. You aren’t suddenly going to be skipping around with the joys of spring. You will have down days. You will have days when the memories take over. And this is when self care is so important.to have a mental tool box ready. Call a friend, have a bath, eat a bit of cake (yes that’s OK!), dance around the living room – this sounds nuts but it really works. I listen to an empowering song and it helps me remember my strength.
Now this is the hardest one for me and I hate even writing it.It’s almost comforting to stay in anger. But taking responsibility for right now is so needed. Yes you may have been badly hurt in the past but you are 100% responsibly for what you do with you life right now. Do you want to be saying to yourself in 40 years time ‘i didn’t live up to my potential and follow my dreams because i was so badly hurt’.I didn’t think so.
Feel the joy
Life is just one day at a time and it’s joyful to have that first cup of tea in the morning, to open the window and feel the fresh morning air, to watch the birds outside your window. Remember this is your beautiful life and no one can take that away from you.